Clapham Omniblog - The Sid James Infirmary aka St James Hospital Bethnell Green

In which Colin and Reg discuss the St James (Sid James) hospital at Bethnell Green

*Please note the following is a verbatim transcription from the original pigeon cockerney*

Reg: Ere kipp this ter yerself Col, cosz eyes onlee tellun yers as mayte lyke, baaht eyes gawt er gaw for an arsendoscopy aap fackin' Death Knell Green Orspitool.

Col: Aw fackin' ell mayte, worts roarng wiv yewse nahws?

Reg: Worz vat Dawktor vat Injun bloak, Faakerjee or summat lyke aaht, he reckkins corse eyze gettun orn a bit oye sherd avven awld gitz emm Oh ee, lyke.

Col: Wort verr facks awl vat abaaht venn? Eye meanz yer nort lyke sum sorta fackin; awld Oarstin Allegri vats awl rahstin away ter fack Reg? Yer lukk oarwrighe ter mee baaht venn aginn, eye arnt a fackin' Dawkter, enn eye? Wortz ee loyke venn?

Reg: Heez oarwright, vewwy nyce bloak ackerchewllee.

Col: Wheyll, eye add sum worman dawkter end eye dunt lyke her, finks sheez gawds gift ter medsin.

Reg: Whyse vat Corl, eye fawt yew liked worman dawkters?

Col: Verr fackin' cheely bitch arsked me if ah kud pawl me fawsken orver ver ve edd orv moy awld mann? Eye fawt vats a bit orva fackin' liberr'y at aulf parst noine in verr fackin' mornin', loyke enn frahm a wummahn. Sahr, I faut, givv err as good as she gettz lyke, sahr eye says ter err, 'ernley terr brake the ayze at par'eez.' Vattad fackin' lerner!  Baaht she nevva sawr verr fackin' jawk prawbly a femmnist or wun of vem lezbins or summat. Ay aynt gorna put aahp wiv vat sorta fackin' fing, eye mean, sahr eye nevva gorn verr aginn. Sahr Reg, eff itz nort ahn rewd queschin, woy do theyze worna luk awp yawr jaxi venn, yhew darn't moynd me awsken?

Reg: Naah, naah myte, corz weev knaan eech over fawr dawnkeys eerze. Viz Faakkerjee bloak, royt, ee ses, ee wornza sekund pinyun, just in case you maight have a swelled ahp prawstrate glaaand. Enn, he fawt vat ett maight be a gud fing ter be sayfer rarver van fackin' sawry, awr brahn bred o'kawse. Heez gawt a point, enn ee's a vewwy gud dawkter, eye aynt nevva add narfing ter com'lain abaht orff ov 'I'm.

Col: Eye means der yer knawse worts goan orn?

Reg: Aw yerr, ee reckins vat vey gawt vis sorta camera orn a peece orve flexibill chewbing, enn basically ere, its gawt an end ornitt lyke ann arfa marbil, enn inn err bit orvit verr's a broyt elleedee loyte, enn verr ovva bit orvit's gawt an igh deviation kamyra wot weelays loyve vidyo orv worts aap me awld jaxi, royt orna ann 'elly screewn.

Col: Saahr, yore gahn aahp verr awld Sid James venn? Verr's sahm fackin' tasty narhses aahp vat orspi'ool, eye reckkin eye sore wun vat worz a dead spit orv vat Barbyrar Winsur, enn I fawt orv awld Sid James, gawd rest him. Eye means he worz a laahcky awld facker worn he? Ter get a shag wiv vat Barbyrar Winsur byrd, Eye means she still looks fackin' tasty, wud yer giver wun?

Reg: Wheyll, eye ud, baaht she awnlee gahs fawr yahnger bloaks vese dayze, which is a grate pitty. Eye mean she's a cormedy ennstichewshun.

Col: Eye fink you orta be in a fackin' ennstichewchun, yer derty awld facker! Ohnlee kiddin' Reg.
Reg: Wheyll, eyem glaahd vat we can aave a larf abaaht it corse ett is an searius subberjeckt, ennit. Eye mean vat Sid James, gawd rest I'm, iz awld boat worz like ahn slapped Arris, eye mean verr must be 'ope for us all, eh? Well, eye fackin' ope sahr.

Col: Wheyll, yew rearmember vat fillm Carry orn Dawkter, enn vat JIm Dale's ryte awney fer Baabs, enny? Eye reckkin vats whoy vey aad ter ave vose fackin' metill fraymes under ver fackin' berrd cloves lyke, sah vat ver bloakes who warse in berrd awn verr fillm sett, sah vey kud have an krarfty waynk, wivvaht ett been ter awbveeus. Myndya, vat awld 'aatty Jacks worze a fackin sahze, dunn doo nuffink fawr me, baht each ter iz ehn?

Reg: Ryte, enn, eye bett when ver fackin' filming worz awl dahn, vat venn vey took vose fackin' fraymes aaht frahm unner ver sheets, ver facking sheets awl stayed up, lyke sahm papper mashy enn cawton fackin' pyrymidd. Vey'dd prawblee add sahr mach stimmerlayshun enn chacked sahr match Charlie Munk, vat vey mahstave wahnked emselves ter fackin' near erblivveon.

Col: If it wurnt verr cayse Reg, eye fink yerr wud ave terr arsk yersell wevver verr worz summit wraung wiv yer? Wot wiv awl vose facking tasty nahses abaht, eh?

Reg: Baaht, awn verr ovvver ahnd, ser ter speke, yer might be in'immida'ed by it awl, enn nawt abill ter get enny fackin' wud. Eye mean, in vat fillm , pawr awld Sid James, add ter be in a berdd, laahn dahn, coz he'd awnlee jawst gawt erver a rhyl lyfe fackin; art a'aack. Pawr facker!

Col: It wud be ardlee sarpryzin wot wiv him lahken Barb enn fackin' the arzz orvit.
Reg: Ee prawblee arverdunnitt, fackin' nyce way ter go vough. Eye meenz if eeda pegged aaht havin an fack, vey'd an addan awferl jawb gettun ver fackin' lid orn izz cawfin, I sez. Eye doan reckkinvat worz ver sortawood vat he worz lookin' err git, eyver.
Col: Ahr eezee worz it fer yer ter git an 'pointmunt, cawse its sahr fackin' bizzee nahr?
Reg: Wheyll awl Dawkter Fakerjee, corse it worz urgen' lyke, he pulled strings, ee reckkins jus ter bee sayfe lyke, ee cunn take ver risk, nawt verr enn prawstrate, lahk.
Col: Worl vats fackin' summat, eye fink yer big prawblawm apaht frawm verr bean ter manee immy grunts enn eye aynt a rayshullist but, ett as ter be said like. Veys awl kumman 'ere fawr ver free fackin' NHS wot yewze and meez paid infaw, enn ahs pawr awl farkers iz at verr back orv verr kew, coz we is whyaat, I'm nawt a rayshullist butt...
Reg: Indeed myte, enn wunn good fing abaht yer fackin' immygrunz ess vat we's getting sahm Dawkters cahmin ova ere immum, verr's an awfall lahd a shit kamms in lyke fackin' forrin crimnals and ver lyke and fackers awnlee ere fawr the fackin' sewshul, well at least me Dawkter Fakkerjee's nawt an alkyhawlik lyke verr laswst fackin' awld geeza wort eye add. He add ahn sample orve me Gipsy's enn he reckkins vat eye worz pregnant, stooppid awld cant!
Col: Sahr Reg, yerr lerkin forwid to yerr arsendoscerpee venn? Eye means yer myte get sahm taste nahses ter awld yerr anhd or summat?
Reg: Wheyll, ezz lorng es vey ennt lahk vat Fatty Jacks burd. She worz an ryte awld battil exe inn vat fillm.
Col: Ere Reg, baaht she wurnt arf an goer in weal lyfe, enn she worz married ter vat Jawn LeMusaror bloke wort woz vat Sargint Wilsan enn fackin' Daad's ormy. Yer kna?
Reg: Will, mybea vat Barby Winsur myte nawt be in Ease Enders fawr verr moment enn restin', vats worts veyy caul ett wayn yewse an Akkertawr enn yehr between yerr partz. Yerr maaht ber lacky enn ge awl Bawbs as yer nawse. Like vat Petaah Gilmawer add sed ter enn vat film bye err, ' cawr wort a luvverly pair,' enn ee sez bak terurr 'yer tuk ver wurds raaht aaht erve mi maarf!' facikin' ell.
Col: Whall, yer sahnds cheerfall enuff abahat it, ennyhaar.
Reg: Whall yer gorta bee myte, ennyhaw erez me stawp, ta ra Col!

Tears of a Clown - the often tragic story behind the comedian

Sid James in Carry on at your convenience

Comedy can be strange world, it is a broad palette of humour, which may not be to the taste of all. But have you ever stopped to think about the lives of the purveyors of comedy?

You might presume that the comedian at the microphone is a walking joke book with an encylopedic library of humour to draw on from memory, that is not always the case. A lot of comedians aren't really funny, they just get up in front of a microphone and have some sort of instinctive ability to make people laugh, relying on comedy writers for their material.

Often, away from the adulation, they are paranoid characters with inner torment, addictions and demons to conquer. The performance is where they come alive. So let us look at a few of the well known comedians from British television and film.

Sid James, instantly recognisable from that wrinkled washbag face and dirty laugh, but Sid was a restless character off stage. He came to prominence after WW2 , moving to London from his native South Africa having escaped a troubled marriage.

Sid starred in many films, honing his ability in bit parts in films like 'Hell Drivers,' with a young Sean Connery and Patrick McGoohan. He found fame with Tony Hancock, (the depressive who would later take his own life) in the radio series 'Hancock's Half hour,' which also featured Kenneth Williams, of more later.

Sid was the foil to Hancock's major player of the program, but Sid was getting the laughs, whereas Hancock played for laughs with his comic pomposity, it was all getting a bit strained and Sid's laughs came easier, which cost him the Hancock role.

Similarly, Kenneth Williams fell foul of Hancock too, Williams's 'Snidey' charachter which he had developed and would use in a number of situations including the popular 'Round the Horne,' led to his going the same way as Sid.

It is said that Sid was something of a gambler and he also could not resist the temptation of chasing Barbara Windsor, but who could? Like many players, Sid knew that show business was not always a guarantee of fortune and he endured hardships along the way, although suffering from a heart condition, he continued to push himself and ultimately he died in harness as some of his contemporaries did - Eric Morecambe and Tommy Cooper for example. But we only have to hear Sid's grating laugh to put the smile on our faces, I even have it as the ringtone on my phone.

Sid summed up his work on the Carry On films as 'Me in different hats.' He is missed. 

Eric Morecambe with Sid James, coincidentally!

Eric Morecambe, one half of the legendary Morecambe and Wise comedy partnership came from Lancashire and it was due to a teacher that basically told him that 'the only thing he was good at was playing the fool,' led him to a career in comedy.

Teaming up with Ernie Wise, a then young Ernest Wiseman as he was, the then Eric Bartholomew, like George Formby before him, changed his name to that of a Lancashire town, in his case the seaside resort of Morecambe and the rest is history. 

Like Sid James, Eric Morecambe knew showbiz was a rocky road and he realised that he had nothing else to fall back on, which drove him throughout his life to keep performing. He too had heart trouble but carried on and sadly died on stage. Perhaps the finest accolade, he died doing something that he liked and lived for.

Eric's fear it seemed was to go out of fashion, but he did not, the Morecambe and Wise humour was clean, family entertainment and it had to be to be mainstream and attain the audiences it did for the accepted guidelines of the time.

Eric would even on holiday be thinking up and trying out routines and the lifelong stage partnership with Ernie Wise was built on an almost psychic ability to drop in the lines and feeds as though they were all scripted. He gave us some of the funniest moments on television.

Kenneth Williams

Kenneth Williams got his early break like Charles Hawtrey in the Will Hay films. During military service, Kenneth Williams managed to get into entertaining the troops and he was able to develop his career after the war.

Finding footholds in Hancock's half hour and later Round the Horne, Kenneth Williams would then hit the big time in the double-entendre heavy Carry on film franchise. Like Sid James, Charles Hawtrey and Frankie Howerd, he benefitted from the exposure! Indeed Williams was quoted as saying 'If I see an innuendo in a script I have to whip it out.'

The comedic ability of Kenneth Williams, who also enjoyed a stage career in serious theatre and radio was marred by the suicide of his father and also his own homosexuality, which at the time was against the law.

Beyond even the performing, Kenneth Williams was a proficient chat show host and read stories on the children's series Jackanory. He potentially had a future beyond comedy, having left the Carry On series as he had lost enthusiasm for it.  

For all the happiness that Kenneth Williams generated, he was deeply unhappy and depressive, which ultimately led him to overdose on medication, leaving a rather sad final entry in his diary 'Oh what's the bloody point?'

It was a sad end to a career that had given much entertainment to the British public. However, we do have a great visual and aural archive of our comedian's work to refer to.

Charles Hawtrey his 'Well, hello...' catchphrase lit up many a scene

So to our last but one character actor, Charles Hawtrey. Finding early celluloid exposure with Kenneth Williams in the Will Hay films prior to and at the start of WW2, Charles Hawtrey embarked on a career of supporting roles in post war British cinema.

Like Kenneth WIlliams and Sid James, they all hit the big time with the Carry On series of films which Charles Hawtrey left around 1974. Like Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey also battled with homosexuality and alcoholism, surviving being 'outed' in a court case for public indecency popularly known as 'cottaging,' he was troubled with an increasing alcoholic intake and had to leave the Carry On franchise and from there the end of things was inevitable.

Frankie Howerd with Anita Harris during Carry On filming

Frankie Howerd also found fame in post WW2 comedy, very popular in the 1950's his career suddenly took a turn for the worse and opportunities were less plentiful.

Although having writers like Barry Cryer write for him, Frankie Howerd was very skilled at improvising and working off the cuff.

Frankie Howerd came back to better times in the early 1960's with the Frost Report and the shows from the Establishment club, where he performed a rather irreverent and starchy style of comedy, almost sour, but that was the key to its success, the public liked the waspish almost one to one style of oratory.  

The new lease of performing life in the 1960's  brought Frankie Howerd back to the mainstream and to acting roles where he performed in Carry On films and later the Up Pompei series on BBC2. Although lurking in Frankie Howerd's closet was indeed his homosexuality, which he likely felt had been imposed on him as some sort of millstone and greatly troubled him, resorting to extreme medical treatments which did not work.

However, Frankie Howerd continued to work until the 1980's when new comedy controllers and heads of light entertainment decided to change things and the bounds of acceptability were being challenged and pushed.

The older performers who had in the past, had to abide by strict almost 'Reithian' guidelines were likely seen as old hat and irrelevant, against those that used politics in their comedy, bad language and talk of sex which was in the main forbidden in the past.

That said, Frankie Howerd found popularity with a young audience, indeed at Oxford University of all places as such, which renewed interest in his work and led to a final flourish for his career.

Barry Cryer once asked Frankie Howerd if he might be able to do a small spot at his son's school at an evening event, Frankie said he might be able to do a half hour, he was still going two and a half hours later, all off the cuff and unscripted.  

This goes to demonstrate that whatever the demons lurking off stage, when these comedians were in front of the audience, this was their time.

So we will leave you with a piece of Sid James. The caption says it all.