Business owners and managers who are clueless along with many so-called 'business consultants' who are rubbish at it

A successful company is the ultimate business leader's aim, like this one

It is interesting  as an employee to watch over the years how many managers and leaders have run their companies, some have been very good and some have shown a level of competence that is astounding in its stupidity. Here are some of my experiences.

Examples range from a business or more than one I have worked for that refused to advertise and wonder why they are not making any money, because no one knows who you are!

One person with a degree in economics used to buy on a whim, not try the product in their chain of shops in a small quantity first, but commit to a container load. This was a small company so the risk was large.

The most important asset a company has is their staff, yet the number of times that my skills and experience have been ignored or supressed are staggering, surely a company that has the chance to use the skills an employee has is lucky?

Seemingly not, this can be for a number of reasons, someone is inadequate usually and you outshine them.

A manager that thinks they are in charge and right when they are neither.

A manager that turns down good business opportunities because they have no vision.

A manager that thinks because they have rank that they are right and are mostly not

People that block simple things like marketing visuals of product information and wonder why sales are not good. Or no one knows what you do or what your products do.

People who fail to see viable revenue streams when you can and fail see it even when you explain it in terms that a two year old could grasp. Better.

People who think that the sector of customers they want to aim at will create sales growth, when your analysis based on real information is that another customer sector will, which the other person chooses too ignore is the correct way to go

People who tell you that you are on the wrong page, when they are on the wrong planet let alone the wrong fucking book.

Business consultants that think they know what they are doing when it is apparent after 2 minutes in their company listening to their bullshitting wank, they don't, but the Managing Director never sees this even after 2 years

Business consultants who live in the richest area of the UK, who drive 200 miles to advise a small business in the middle of nowhere, because they are otherwise unemployable, which is why they became a business consultant in the first place. They don't get it.

Health and safety consultants who miss more potential safety issues than they advise about and they get paid for this crap?

Business consultants that tell sales people to smile into a mirror. No, I am being serious.

Business consultants that make you think that Alan Partridge was somebody that actually existed and this is not a bad dream and you are going to wake up, no, this is actually happening. This is probably the biggest idiot you are ever going to have to meet in your life. And has similar members of the species active,out there too.

And when you come up with a suggestion and it is disregarded and a manager then makes the same suggestion a week later and takes the credit for it. And thinks they are clever.

Or worse still disregard an idea of yours because in most cases they hadn't thought of it, giving you the chance to take it to someone who will invest in it. Thankfully.

When a supposedly educated person can't grasp a simple concept that they are giving away intellectual property, supply chain information and control of the situation. And they were privately educated?? The sort of people that after a few minutes would leave Lord Alan Sugar shaking his head in disbelief.

And the so-called business consultants, not the ones that know what they are doing, but the useless pillocks who don't. But just think they do. The ones that need psychiatric help because they think they are right.

The sort of business consultants that make David Brent seem credible, but only just.

Business consultants that need to study the late Sir John Harvey Jones in action because he did know what the heck he was doing when advising people.

I thought one business consultant was going to have a stand up fight with me once because I called him into question. And he was wrong. And he didn't have a Scooby.

The worst thing is going to a bad interview, like I had once, the 'manager' looked about 12 and was late and hadn't read the CV or researched two things on the CV which would have taken him all of a minute.

I didn't get the job obviously because he was about as bright as a 40 watt lightbulb in the winter. And I had taken the trouble to research about the company and the products, none of which he asked me but asked me a load of stupid questions from some vapid checklist that the company used, hardly showing imagination, is it?

How do these clueless people get into management? Often because they are useless. Or don't rock the boat.

Life is like a box of chocolates, yeah, but be careful some of them are actually turds in disguise.

Sir John Harvey Jones, Management guru and Management consultant and genius

The affable Sir John Harvey Jones, never far from his trusty pipe

The late Sir John Harvey Jones was a very experienced business man who ran the major chemical firm ICI, before branching off into business consultancy.

He came over as an affable fellow, humourous, ponderous and rarely away from his trusty Briar pipe which no doubt helped him function.

Sir John came to general prominence from his work on the BBC TV series 'Troubleshooter', although known as a former head of Imperial Chemical Industries (ICI), the television exposure really made him a household name as ICI as a company already was in its own right.

The premise of the television series was that Sir John would visit a company that was either ailing or seemed to be stuck in a rut and he would go and visit and ponder the solutions and advise them of the best course of action to take.

There is no doubt that not only did he turn round a good few companies and put them on the road to success, he inspired other company people to adopt some of the common sense that he had shown in the series and improve their lot.

I remember one good piece of advice, it was 'The least cost option is not the best option.' Now, I have seen this advice ignored countless times in the years since.

In the current employment situation, I have learned from agencies that companies are seeking to employ the people they can pay the least to, often this means that they are also the least suitable to fill the job. Time and again, I see the same companies re-advertising the same jobs.

Do these pillocks not see that they are going about this the wrong way? They employ someone and 2-3 months later go through the same process. They waste 3 months of progress and a further 3 months to get back to where they should be, if that new person stays.

And that's cheaper? And that is better for your business going over the same ground twice to get back to where you want to be 6 months down the line? It speaks volumes about these employers. They haven't got it.

I learned a lot from watching the Troubleshooter series that he made and the information he I parted is relevant today as it ever was. It was built on real world experience, observation and common sense.

We have no shortage of management consultants around today, but in my experience many of these fall far short of Sir John's ability.

Many of the new breed of consultant do it because they are otherwise unemployable. They would learn much from Sir John's sage advice and thinking processes.

Sadly, I have seen a fair selection of bullshitters and fakers posing as consultants in recent years. It wouldn't be so bad if they actually had some idea of what they should be doing.

And it is amazing that some senior company people are unable to see through the fug and haze and view the Emperor's new clothes as portrayed by the bullshit merchants as great, when those at the lower end of the company can see right through the charade. 

As in the last place I worked. They employed a right dick of a consultant, it took me no time to see he was useless. The management seemed unable to. But eventually his bullshit and lies unravelled him.

So why not become a modern business consultant? I mean, you can charge some one a lot of money to give them duff or bad advice, really screw up the company and walk away from it without any comeback.

So why didn't I think of this as a career path?

Sadly, I have a sense of responsibility and if I advise someone it is the right and proper information. And I know what I am doing. And it is free.

I take my cue from Sir John Harvey Jones, he was a great example of the right way to observe, evaluate and advise. He was the best business consultant I have ever seen operate. He is sadly missed but an inspiration and example of the right way to do it.