Clapham Omniblog - Dahn ver Fevvers
In which Colin and Reg discuss the demise of the Feathers pub
*Please note the following is a verbatim transcription from the original pigeon cockerney*
Reg: 'Ear Col, see ver Fevvers iz fynelee closing?
Col: Fackin shayme, fackin shayme.
Reg: Yer, en mye oll man useta goh vehr zinz abaht befawer ver sekin world wahr. Fakkin tragik.
Col: Myne yew, vatz ver way s'all goin. Pahb trade's bin dine awn itz ahss fer dekades. Eye fink ver pahtee sevin was ver staht orve it.
Reg: Yehr, eye mene, vatz wot killed orf ver juganbottel trayde, innit?
Col: Well, et aynt reel beer ennymawr, s'all a fakkin glaws er bleedin chemykals and summat.
Reg: In verr sevennies, aye culd gahr ahwp 'annin 'ahn, end vehr's be fakkin' pahbs awl over vat manner!
Col: Yehy, ver Dray 'orse, ver Prins orve Whales,fakkin Dewke orve Norfumberland, Red Lyin...
Reg: Well, vehr's always gotta be a pub cawled ver Red Lyin, en err, coaws its vehr lawrw, eh?
Col: Well, etts vose mawrkittin wankahs vats verr cawse, gahn ranhd ann feamin' ver pawbs.
Reg: Aah mene, yer gahr ahwp Ol Oke common an ver woz vat Enry ver ateff, bean ver Enry ver bleedin' ateff fahr as fakkin lawng as eye culd remember.
Col: Fack, vehr awld Ennry, wort ahppend ter vat ven?
Reg: Fakkin mawrketten cahnts, vahts wort append, eh? Gawhn enn fackkin' changed it. Eye mean ett woz aswl vat Jakkerbean dahk Oke enn sumpchus velvet seats, nahn er yer fakkin verlawr, fakkin verlawr, pawr mahns velvitt, enn it? Eh?
Col: Eye wehnn in verr abaht nyne een sevenny nyne, s'abaht ver larhrst fakkin 'ime, enn et was fuller Awresenl s'porters, enn vey worz gettin' er bit fakkin lahree, caws ver Lahnlor was rahnnen shawt orve Wortneys Rid Barill.
Reg: Jehr nawhr wort, yerd nawt rekkignyze vehr playce nahr Cawl, s'wun orve vose fakkin gastrer pahbs naw.
Col: Caws ver fakkin' ea'ees, vatz vhen ver woz awl vose fakkin feam pahbs stahwtid. Lyke vose Ferrit and fakkin' ferkynz, Ferrit enn fakkin fawrskinz, wort eye ewsed ter call ver fakkers!
Reg: Fakken Slahg enn Lettis, enn ahwl sawter fakkin ahwl bollux lyke vat.
Col: Eye mean yehr daht see voze fahken Burnyy Inns nahr, deryer, vayze awhl fallinn bah ver fakkin' way side ern awl.
Reg: Eye means, taystes change, yerd gahr ahwt ter erhnn fakkin' Burnyy, ehhnn, yer'd avven fakkin' gyenawmus stayke, enn ernn Prorn cawktayl fer yer fakkin stawr 'err, yewd avvern fakkin' eyce cawld Lawgah enn verr fakkin' awl wummen er'd avvenn fakkin' glahws orve Blu Nunn awr a fakkin' chilled Berjollis, cawze Burny worze err bitt mawr sphistikaytid vahn vehr rahn orve ver mille sorta gaff, eh?
Col: Enn orve caws, yer'd ave yer Blakk fawriss Gaottoxes fawr yer pudn, enn rill Cawfee frawm wun orve vose glahws jugs vat was kipt fackkin; ahwt, enn, vey'd givv yer a cuppl ehr Ahrfta Aytes wivvit. Yerr myte avven Braahndee een err a fakkin' ceegawr ter nnd et awf.
Reg: Cawse, vehr worz mawr munny 'baht venn. Ahr meen, vaht worze att ver hyte orve yer Margrit Fatcha years, eye mene she may nawt err been vat poplar wiv sum orve yer lectricate, baht she fakkin gawt us awf ahr fakkin' aswses ahfter vat fakkin' mess wort ver Labia paa'ee gawhn enn leff us enn, awfta ver fakkin' Winn'err orve fakkin' discawntent.
Col: Venn yehr gawt vat Blayerr enn' iz fakkin' Kaffy culcha. Fakkin' Cham pinn fakkin' Sewshylissts frawm fakkin' Islyn'unn enn fakkin be'rrr pawrts orve 'acknee enn fakkin' Oxtun. Baht fakkin' furty yearz ergo, yerr kuld pick upp an ahhs enn voze bits orve Lunnen ferr a fakkin' sawng.
Reg: Vey've awl puhd verr lerr'err klahsis aht orve playcis lyke vat enn wear ver fakkz vey gunna gehr ter? Isle tell yer ware mayte, vay aave ter move aht 'err Lunnen and fakk orve ter playcis lyke fakkin Essix.
Col: Ennyway, yehr kummen dahn verr Fevvas awn Frydee? Caws its ver lahst nite s'opin. Bee err shayme ter see Wally ang awhp iz tee tahl, bert vatz ver fakkin' wayze itz gahn Reg.
Reg: Eye errd Walleez, ez mooven ter fakkin' Crowma. ez bawt wun orve voze fakkin' bunnglows by ver fakken sea enn awl.
Col: Wort, zee ahpennin ernuvva Pahb lyke? orzze juss re'ireen?
Reg: Nahr, eez fakkin' pakken it ahp mayte. Wurdiz vat heez gawt er millyun en ern arf for verr Pahb, wehl, eye meen, wortz ver fakkin' poynn er werkin, eh? Myte erz well juss gehr en nnjoyze yersell, ehh?
Col: Wehll, yers sayz vat Reg, baht, wozz ee gerna ave ahp fakkin' Crerhmer? Inn ver Summa, playcer be fuller famlees awhn ollidees, ehn in ver winn'err, s'ahll garner be fakkin' greyan awribbel wiv fakkin' rayn pissen dahn orf ver Nawf C, ennit?
Reg: S'nuff ter mayke yer wanner kmitt fakkin' suicide, enn itt? Fakk vat fer a fakken' gayme err Soullwjerrs. Awllz gernner appen, iz vat, eez garner enn up awn a fakkin' grey fakkin' chewsdee fer instunz, sittin' in iz fakkin' livvin rume, watchinn fakkin' Sky spawts err summin, unner iz ole wumens feat. Sheez garner get well pissed awf wiv 'I'm bahr fakkin Awktowberr, eh??
Col: Eye fink if vatz worts its gerrner bee lyke, isle gerr en jahmp awf fakkin' Tahr Brij or summat. Eye fink if ett cayme dahn ter vat, eyed fakken just enn it mayte.
Reg: Yerr kummin dahn ver Fevvas venn?
Col: Nahr, izza fakkin' shittole, ere's me stawp Reg tara.
Reg: Yehr, see yer mayte, Oi, Coll, see yerz in vat fakkin' Wyne Bahr venn!
Col: Myne yew, vatz ver way s'all goin. Pahb trade's bin dine awn itz ahss fer dekades. Eye fink ver pahtee sevin was ver staht orve it.
Reg: Yehr, eye mene, vatz wot killed orf ver juganbottel trayde, innit?
Col: Well, et aynt reel beer ennymawr, s'all a fakkin glaws er bleedin chemykals and summat.
Reg: In verr sevennies, aye culd gahr ahwp 'annin 'ahn, end vehr's be fakkin' pahbs awl over vat manner!
Col: Yehy, ver Dray 'orse, ver Prins orve Whales,fakkin Dewke orve Norfumberland, Red Lyin...
Reg: Well, vehr's always gotta be a pub cawled ver Red Lyin, en err, coaws its vehr lawrw, eh?
Col: Well, etts vose mawrkittin wankahs vats verr cawse, gahn ranhd ann feamin' ver pawbs.
Reg: Aah mene, yer gahr ahwp Ol Oke common an ver woz vat Enry ver ateff, bean ver Enry ver bleedin' ateff fahr as fakkin lawng as eye culd remember.
Col: Fack, vehr awld Ennry, wort ahppend ter vat ven?
Reg: Fakkin mawrketten cahnts, vahts wort append, eh? Gawhn enn fackkin' changed it. Eye mean ett woz aswl vat Jakkerbean dahk Oke enn sumpchus velvet seats, nahn er yer fakkin verlawr, fakkin verlawr, pawr mahns velvitt, enn it? Eh?
Col: Eye wehnn in verr abaht nyne een sevenny nyne, s'abaht ver larhrst fakkin 'ime, enn et was fuller Awresenl s'porters, enn vey worz gettin' er bit fakkin lahree, caws ver Lahnlor was rahnnen shawt orve Wortneys Rid Barill.
Reg: Jehr nawhr wort, yerd nawt rekkignyze vehr playce nahr Cawl, s'wun orve vose fakkin gastrer pahbs naw.
Col: Caws ver fakkin' ea'ees, vatz vhen ver woz awl vose fakkin feam pahbs stahwtid. Lyke vose Ferrit and fakkin' ferkynz, Ferrit enn fakkin fawrskinz, wort eye ewsed ter call ver fakkers!
Reg: Fakken Slahg enn Lettis, enn ahwl sawter fakkin ahwl bollux lyke vat.
Col: Eye mean yehr daht see voze fahken Burnyy Inns nahr, deryer, vayze awhl fallinn bah ver fakkin' way side ern awl.
Reg: Eye means, taystes change, yerd gahr ahwt ter erhnn fakkin' Burnyy, ehhnn, yer'd avven fakkin' gyenawmus stayke, enn ernn Prorn cawktayl fer yer fakkin stawr 'err, yewd avvern fakkin' eyce cawld Lawgah enn verr fakkin' awl wummen er'd avvenn fakkin' glahws orve Blu Nunn awr a fakkin' chilled Berjollis, cawze Burny worze err bitt mawr sphistikaytid vahn vehr rahn orve ver mille sorta gaff, eh?
Col: Enn orve caws, yer'd ave yer Blakk fawriss Gaottoxes fawr yer pudn, enn rill Cawfee frawm wun orve vose glahws jugs vat was kipt fackkin; ahwt, enn, vey'd givv yer a cuppl ehr Ahrfta Aytes wivvit. Yerr myte avven Braahndee een err a fakkin' ceegawr ter nnd et awf.
Reg: Cawse, vehr worz mawr munny 'baht venn. Ahr meen, vaht worze att ver hyte orve yer Margrit Fatcha years, eye mene she may nawt err been vat poplar wiv sum orve yer lectricate, baht she fakkin gawt us awf ahr fakkin' aswses ahfter vat fakkin' mess wort ver Labia paa'ee gawhn enn leff us enn, awfta ver fakkin' Winn'err orve fakkin' discawntent.
Col: Venn yehr gawt vat Blayerr enn' iz fakkin' Kaffy culcha. Fakkin' Cham pinn fakkin' Sewshylissts frawm fakkin' Islyn'unn enn fakkin be'rrr pawrts orve 'acknee enn fakkin' Oxtun. Baht fakkin' furty yearz ergo, yerr kuld pick upp an ahhs enn voze bits orve Lunnen ferr a fakkin' sawng.
Reg: Vey've awl puhd verr lerr'err klahsis aht orve playcis lyke vat enn wear ver fakkz vey gunna gehr ter? Isle tell yer ware mayte, vay aave ter move aht 'err Lunnen and fakk orve ter playcis lyke fakkin Essix.
Col: Ennyway, yehr kummen dahn verr Fevvas awn Frydee? Caws its ver lahst nite s'opin. Bee err shayme ter see Wally ang awhp iz tee tahl, bert vatz ver fakkin' wayze itz gahn Reg.
Reg: Eye errd Walleez, ez mooven ter fakkin' Crowma. ez bawt wun orve voze fakkin' bunnglows by ver fakken sea enn awl.
Col: Wort, zee ahpennin ernuvva Pahb lyke? orzze juss re'ireen?
Reg: Nahr, eez fakkin' pakken it ahp mayte. Wurdiz vat heez gawt er millyun en ern arf for verr Pahb, wehl, eye meen, wortz ver fakkin' poynn er werkin, eh? Myte erz well juss gehr en nnjoyze yersell, ehh?
Col: Wehll, yers sayz vat Reg, baht, wozz ee gerna ave ahp fakkin' Crerhmer? Inn ver Summa, playcer be fuller famlees awhn ollidees, ehn in ver winn'err, s'ahll garner be fakkin' greyan awribbel wiv fakkin' rayn pissen dahn orf ver Nawf C, ennit?
Reg: S'nuff ter mayke yer wanner kmitt fakkin' suicide, enn itt? Fakk vat fer a fakken' gayme err Soullwjerrs. Awllz gernner appen, iz vat, eez garner enn up awn a fakkin' grey fakkin' chewsdee fer instunz, sittin' in iz fakkin' livvin rume, watchinn fakkin' Sky spawts err summin, unner iz ole wumens feat. Sheez garner get well pissed awf wiv 'I'm bahr fakkin Awktowberr, eh??
Col: Eye fink if vatz worts its gerrner bee lyke, isle gerr en jahmp awf fakkin' Tahr Brij or summat. Eye fink if ett cayme dahn ter vat, eyed fakken just enn it mayte.
Reg: Yerr kummin dahn ver Fevvas venn?
Col: Nahr, izza fakkin' shittole, ere's me stawp Reg tara.
Reg: Yehr, see yer mayte, Oi, Coll, see yerz in vat fakkin' Wyne Bahr venn!
No comments:
Post a Comment