Clapham Omniblog - Colin's Renawlt

In which Colin buys a used car, a Renault from Hainault

*Please note the following is a verbatim transcription from the original pigeon cockerney*

Reg: Awright mate, yer gat yerself a motah ahfter all?

Colin: Yer, gawn an bawt meself a Renawlt Megun.

Reg: A Renawlt?

Colin: Yer. Well, eyes fawt abaht getten a Fawd, but ah see vis garridge from the choob when I was goin' watchin' the 'Ammers away ap arahnd Ainalt. Ser, I goes ahn as a look, like.

Reg: Any facking good?

Colin: Looked alright, been toshed up. Nice paint. Sah, I asks the geezer wot he cud do.

Reg: Bet he ripped ya, fackin Essix, init.

Colin:Geezer reckoned he'd have me Mondeeo an' fifteen hundred off me.

Reg: Chancer.

Colin: So I tole him to fack right orf. Its wurf two, me Mondeeo an' a Monkey, take it or leave it.

Reg: He bite on it?

Colin: Yeah, saved meself an Arab. Fackin' tasty.

Reg: Sahnds a bit of a cheeky cant.

Colin: Worl, facking Essix mate inhe. Wunnt try that rahn fackin' Cannin 'aahn, wood e?

Reg: Sahnd's like e needs a slaap. Cant. Slap the facker, all the way ter fackin' Sarfend. Wot's it like, yer Renawlt?

Colin: Fackin pile o' shit.

Reg: Wots wrong wiv it Col?
Colin: Fackin' indicator bulb gawn. Vat's wot.

Reg: That all?

Colin: Nar, matey rekkund it a take a facking day to change it.

Reg: Sahnds like heez 'avin a fackin' Giraffe mate.

Colin: Nar, strait aap, rekkins ee'll have ter take alf the facking trim of the frahnt wing to get at it.

Reg: Fakkin eezy on a fackin Fawd, say that faw 'em. So, watcha gonna do abaht it?

Colin: Stick it in a fackin' oction, get fackin' shot of it.

Reg: Wot you gonna get then mate?
Colin: Fackin Fawd, you knows where yewze are with a fackin Fawd.

Reg: Fackin' roight.

Colin: Fackin' fawren cahrs.

Reg: Yer, best fackin' aaht of it mate. See yer, ere's me stop.