In which Colin and Reg review the London Property market and ridiculous house prices
*Please note the following is a verbatim transcription from the original pigeon cockerney*
Reg: 'Ere Col, yew rememba vat rode in Battsee vat mah Cuzzin yewsta liv in?
Col: Wan vat dahn near ver rivva? Fakkin' 'ell mate, vat waz fakkin' eons ago, wann it?
Reg: Aah much yew rekkin itz wurf nahwr?
Col: Fack nose mate!
Reg: Fakkin too millyun, vat's wot mate!
Col: Too millyun, ya 'avin' a giraffe?
Reg: Cawse I en't 'avin' a fackin' giraffe, s'in ver Battasee 'eruld, propty pagis. Ere, I gawt it ere, 'ave a fackin' Butcha's attit.
Col: Fack, yor rite mate. Ee paid fack all fer that in sixty nine. Baht too faahsan quid or summit.
Reg: He mus be rite fackin' minted venn. Seen az he woz from the arse endda Plumsted Common. No afence mate.
Col: Nar, 'ee sole it in abaht nine'een aitee, he's brahn bred mate, asbesstiss. Paw ald facka.
Reg: Well, when eye waz gahn aht wiv that bint Mawreen err famlee woz livin' in
Nottin 'ill.
Col: Fack me, that was eons argo, wannit?
Reg: Not much. That waz a rite shitole ovva place venn, must be wurf abaht five millyun vat old gaff ov hers nahw,'cept vey was onlee rennin' it.
Col: Wern Fullam a fackin' dump in the early sixtees? Fackin' rough old place. Waz only when Carnaby street an' all that fackin' bollux started, vat ver pricis sky rokettid. I mean, look ahw its gawn madd sinze.
Reg: Well itz all thim bleedin' Oligarlicks innit, vey got sahw much reddies vey're buyin' ap fackin' Hampstid and such like, fast as vey can gerr.
Col: An ver fackin' football clubs an' all.
Reg: Ere mate, wear wood yew live if yer add the akkers?
Col: Well, it wooden be fackin' Sarfend for sure, I mite take an appartmint in Plarstow jus' to keep a foot in the East end.
Reg: Blimey mate, not many white faces rahn there nah, I'm notta racist but..
Col: Nah, I wus only jokin', aahd probly go up Chippin' Onga or summat like that, aahta tahn I fink. Wat bout yew Reg?
Reg: My wife's always fahncid Faydon Boys, just in Essix, coz she's still got sum famlee up rahnd 'ackneee and she dahnt wanna moov too bleedin' far aaht ovva smoke.
Col: I mean Reg, at ver end of ver day, what's it all for? Karnt take ver fackin' lot wiv ya?
Reg: Ure rite Col, where's it all gonna end? Fackin' aahse pricis is fackin' ridicklus. Aah mean, haahse ver fackin' yoof of tomorrer gonna afford ver fackin pricis if the fackers kipps risin?
Col: Fack noze mate. Anyway, 'erez me stop, see ya mate!
Col: Wan vat dahn near ver rivva? Fakkin' 'ell mate, vat waz fakkin' eons ago, wann it?
Reg: Aah much yew rekkin itz wurf nahwr?
Col: Fack nose mate!
Reg: Fakkin too millyun, vat's wot mate!
Col: Too millyun, ya 'avin' a giraffe?
Reg: Cawse I en't 'avin' a fackin' giraffe, s'in ver Battasee 'eruld, propty pagis. Ere, I gawt it ere, 'ave a fackin' Butcha's attit.
Col: Fack, yor rite mate. Ee paid fack all fer that in sixty nine. Baht too faahsan quid or summit.
Reg: He mus be rite fackin' minted venn. Seen az he woz from the arse endda Plumsted Common. No afence mate.
Col: Nar, 'ee sole it in abaht nine'een aitee, he's brahn bred mate, asbesstiss. Paw ald facka.
Reg: Well, when eye waz gahn aht wiv that bint Mawreen err famlee woz livin' in
Nottin 'ill.
Col: Fack me, that was eons argo, wannit?
Reg: Not much. That waz a rite shitole ovva place venn, must be wurf abaht five millyun vat old gaff ov hers nahw,'cept vey was onlee rennin' it.
Col: Wern Fullam a fackin' dump in the early sixtees? Fackin' rough old place. Waz only when Carnaby street an' all that fackin' bollux started, vat ver pricis sky rokettid. I mean, look ahw its gawn madd sinze.
Reg: Well itz all thim bleedin' Oligarlicks innit, vey got sahw much reddies vey're buyin' ap fackin' Hampstid and such like, fast as vey can gerr.
Col: An ver fackin' football clubs an' all.
Reg: Ere mate, wear wood yew live if yer add the akkers?
Col: Well, it wooden be fackin' Sarfend for sure, I mite take an appartmint in Plarstow jus' to keep a foot in the East end.
Reg: Blimey mate, not many white faces rahn there nah, I'm notta racist but..
Col: Nah, I wus only jokin', aahd probly go up Chippin' Onga or summat like that, aahta tahn I fink. Wat bout yew Reg?
Reg: My wife's always fahncid Faydon Boys, just in Essix, coz she's still got sum famlee up rahnd 'ackneee and she dahnt wanna moov too bleedin' far aaht ovva smoke.
Col: I mean Reg, at ver end of ver day, what's it all for? Karnt take ver fackin' lot wiv ya?
Reg: Ure rite Col, where's it all gonna end? Fackin' aahse pricis is fackin' ridicklus. Aah mean, haahse ver fackin' yoof of tomorrer gonna afford ver fackin pricis if the fackers kipps risin?
Col: Fack noze mate. Anyway, 'erez me stop, see ya mate!
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